Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Couch. On fire.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
