Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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