that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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