I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
