We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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