I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize