..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
