Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
