i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize