He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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