If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sext me about skeletons
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
