Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize