sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
