I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
