I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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