ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He kissed a someone with a penis
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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