how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
