I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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