Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
