I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
