I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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