No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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