I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
