gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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