I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
