Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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