rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You took a bar mat shot.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
wow bdsm is so cute
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