PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
