He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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