I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
