my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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