My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
