FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize