drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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