he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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