My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
