About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
