I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
