What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So vagazzling was a success
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
