He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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