I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
