just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize