How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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