Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
