Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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