I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it was like eating out sand paper
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
