Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
i out mim tonsoeep
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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