I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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