His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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