We're facebook friends in real life
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
