How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize