my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
