Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
