afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
