You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
