You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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