Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
