oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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