I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
