So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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