I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
