Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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