are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
