i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
