your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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