Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
