The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
