dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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