He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
