i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
