Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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