he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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