Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
