the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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