I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
